Today, a dear friend called and asked if we (me and the kids) wanted some company on this rainy, cold day. I said, "Yes, please!" I was thinking Yes, please because I wanted this day to go a little faster. The boys wanted to be outside, I was running out of fun things to do, I was struggling this week with helping my sweet baby girl learn how to eat from a spoon, and I needed out of the house. Her coming over with Eli's best friend sounded wonderful.
Well, my boys decided to put on a bad behavior show. I think I gave about 2 time outs each, corrected behaviors more times than I could count, consoled a fussy baby, tried to feed that fussy baby, tried to console fighting boys while holding sweet fussy baby, and I'm sure she witnessed much more than I even realized. I felt my cheeks flush with embarrassment as I arose from the "time out" spot. I didn't want her to think my boys were bad. I don't want anyone to view my children as naughty. I wanted her to see me at my finest. I struggle with this often...wanting others to think I have it all together. Wanting others to "want" my life. Well, Emmary...I don't think she wanted your life today (that kept resonating in my head).
As she left, I reached to her for a hug and apologized for the crazy morning. In that moment, that sweet pregnant momma hug moment, I realized she was not judging me, she was not comparing me, she probably didn't even mind being in my crazy house. We are walking this road of motherhood together. Her sweet hug told me all of this. That, and her words of, "You don't need to apologize..."
I was watching Owen sleep once he was down for his nap and I had this aching desire to call my friend and have her watch him too. My big boy, my sometimes crazy 5 year old, looked so much like the baby I brought home 5 years ago. He is still so innocent, so perfectly my own. He told me this as he was drifting off to sleep: "Mommies are supposed to call their first babies their "angels" and the other ones their "loves."
Oh, I like that my sweet angel...