Ella Week 22

When we Fail

So...I have already failed in my commitment to Lent. There were a few honest slip ups. One time I grabbed half a cookie that Eli had dropped and popped it in my mouth without even thinking. Another time I licked icing off of the knife I was using to frost cupcakes for the boys. I still felt ok about this because I was not doing it consciously. But, this has led to conscious decisions to eat sweets and then to giving up almost completely. I tell myself that this process doesn't really help me focus on Christ's sacrifice, I don't have to prove anything....and I sob. Why can't I do this one small thing for my Lord? Why can't I stick to something so simple? I turn to an answer and the perfect words jump from the screen:

I can’t seem to follow through in giving up for Lent.

Which makes me want to just give up Lent.

Which makes me question Who I am following.

Which may precisely be the point of Lent.

“Don’t think of lent as about working your way to salvation. Think of it as working out your salvation.”

(words from aholyexperience.com)-I wish I could call Ann Voscamp up right now and tell her she typed those words just for me...

I chose to go back to my commitment. I chose to love Him more. I chose to remember. I chose to work this strange miracle of salvation out.

Baby Skin

How did God create such an amazing universe? How did he perfectly knit my three babies? And, how in the world did he give my Ella the softest, sweetest baby skin on the face of this vast planet? I know, I know...each mom thinks that their baby is the best, the sweetest and most likely the softest, but this Momma has to shout it from her blog!

I could stare at her for hours. I could kiss her cheeks for even longer. Her skin is flawless, perfectly pink, and oh so petal soft. I treasure the fact that all of my children still have baby soft skin, Ella just has the softest right now. Even though it is beyond gorgeous outside right now, I'm mesmerized by what is inside; my sleeping babies and all of their perfect little features.

Ella Week 21

A Question

"When did I start seeing children as commonplace and stop seeing motherhood as a holy place?"

This question comes from http://www.aholyexperience.com

I had to really stop and think about this. Motherhood as a holy place? Really? In the midst of clutter, snotty noses, overturned couches and cushions from fort making, sticky fingers, potty breaks, dirty diapers, wet diapers, more dirty diapers, cries for help....I stop. Yes, this is a holy place. For in the clutter there is discovery. The fort is our fortress of fun. Sticky fingers prove nourishment. All things dealing with the word "potty" mean that my children are healthy. Their bodies work as they are made to. Cries for help mean that I am their protector. It is a holy place. I will see these daily "chores" as gifts. Never will my children be commonplace. I will make this a holy place, for all of us to dwell, always inviting our Savior in.

Ella Week 20

Lent and Tag

What a post title! That is what I am reflecting on today.
Aaron and I are truly trying to make Lent a part of our lives this year. We debated on how much the boys could and should understand. We decided to simply talk to them about how much Christ loves us. I don't think little Eli's heart could bear the thought of "his Jesus" suffering on the cross just yet. So, we will wait and allow them the peace of that tiny baby they see in their minds and hearts. We reflected on what to give up. Something that would make us truly pause and reflect on His sacrifice. Something that would make us uncomfortable. Here it is....SWEETS. This includes diet sweets too. We both crave sweet things, literally crave them. After every meal, we hear the words, "What's for dessert?" because we always have it, even if it's something little. In just two days I have resisted those wonderful sweet things and each time I did, I said a prayer of thanks to my sacrificial Savior. I begged him for strength. Isn't it strange how something so silly as sweets can really be a challenge. It may seem trivial to some, but it is preparing my heart for this season, this season Sacrifice.

The kids and I return from one of those very lucky lunch dates with PaPa...of course there were sweets surrounding me, but I said a prayer and I grew as I watched little boy fingers get chocolaty and gooey. The boys beg to play outside. I ponder this. It's close to nap time, Ella is still in the van. I shout, "YES! Let's play tag!" We run, we laugh, we fall over, our fingers become numb from the cold, but we keep running. I feel the wind in my hair. How long has it been? When did I last do this? I watch the boys as I check on Ella. They exude Joy. It pours out of them. Cheeks are getting rosy, but they keep running, keep laughing, keep taking in this moment.

I am surrounded by Sacrifice and Joy. I stand in the cold, peeking in on my baby girl and watching my boys run. I look to the sky, it is overcast today. Cloudy and gray.
"Thank you Lord for going through the darkness...thank you for giving me this light."

Naptime...

What would I do without this time? This is my devotional time, time to sit in silence, to reflect on my day. While I put each child down, I pray long, silent prayers for them. I pray as they drift off to sleep. I pray for their hearts, their future wives and husband. I pray for their purity. I pray for their faith, their strength, their health, their wisdom and their salvation. I can raise them to love the Lord. I can show them what a love- filled marriage looks and sounds like. I can take them to church, read the Holy Word to them, and pray with them, but I cannot force my faith in God on them when they are older. So, I will model now. I will guide now. I will pray without ceasing, for there will come a day when they are on their own and they will make their own choices. I want those choices to be bathed in their mother's prayer, prayer that often ends on my knees and with tears. I have been blessed with healthy, whole, intelligent and lovely babies. I don't have to pray by a hospital bedside, begging for life, begging for healing. I pray prayers of thanksgiving, thanking God for this simple and beautiful life. We have had our need for begging prayer. There have been broken bones, stitches, hurt feelings, and frustration, but we have been blessed with peace in our family. There may be a day when darkness comes and I will pray then as well. I will never stop praying for these little lives that are a part of me, part of this miracle, life.

Ella Week 19

Ella Week 18

Spring Resolutions

No, not a New Year resolution, but spring. The sun is calling me outside, but the children nap. I would love to throw on my running shoes and run....run too fast like I did on Saturday. It felt so good to get out and run, I went way to fast, ran out of steam and ended up sore, but it was ALL worth it. I will never claim to love running. I can't even say I like it. I thought my husband's obsession with it, would motivate me. I dream of days when something just switches in my mind and body and I race like a horse, not losing my breath or stamina. That has never happened. I ran a half marathon when I was 14 weeks pregnant. HUGE accomplishment. I took it SLOW, very slow and I enjoyed every minute of it. So...my spring resolution is stop beating myself up for my dis-like of running, but still get out there (or down there on the treadmill) and do it. I'll beg my hubbie to give me outside running time, but not until he has ran his marathon on April 30th. He has improved so much this year through a new training program and I can't wait to see him reach his goal.

Here's to resolutions, even if we aren't that good at them!

Ella Week 17

This is my favorite so far!!! In the words of Eli and Papa: "I love you little Sugar Plum."

Ella Week 16