Thursday, February 24, 2011

My View Today

I can't even begin to count the number of times I kiss these cheeks, tuck those locks behind an ear, breath in that sweet baby scent and stare at the miracle of life each and every day.

Shame and Mercy

Are you ever ashamed? Have you ever said an unkind word? Embellished a story? Thought to highly or to low of yourself? I have done all of these things. I most likely do one or more each and every day. Many times I discipline when my patience is gone. I try not to do this, but it often happens. I hope all moms can admit they are not perfect in this area. When this does happen I want to say, "Hold on boys. Hold on. I did not mean to hurt you. I acted in impatience. Wait for me. Wait."

Ella's arrival has brought about many challenges in regards to attention for each child, following through and general time management. I often have to make them leave her nursery when I am putting her down for a nap. I don't have the option, in that moment to discipline correctly. The boys have seen me at my best and at my worst. The amazing part is that they never harbor a grudge when I lose my patience. I simply ask for hugs. I say I'm sorry. They pile on top of me. Kisses and Hugs. They never once question my love. While my heart ached, while I feel guilt, they move on in joy.

Isn't that like our Savior? He has already forgotten what causes me shame. The moment I asked for his forgiveness, he gave me mercy. He does it time and time again. His mercy never fails. It never will.

I feel shame...I feel His mercy...I am alive with JOY!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

A Holy Experience A blog that is changing my life

I have been challenged to simplify, to be content, to live purely, to wait, to fully embrace this life. Want to take that journey?

I am learning to let go of time, rather than cling to it like a leach. I cling to time because I don't want to lose it. Now I see the joy in each new step this family of mine takes. The joy we will bring our Savior.

I am going to challenge myself to find joy in each a thousand ways. I want to articulate my joy, my sorrow, my frustration, my longing to be with my Savior, my longing to stay with my lovely babies and love of my life. I will challenge myself to do this weekly on this blog, trying to get to the point where I post something daily.

So, here is today. I day like many others. My oldest is at school, my baby girl is sick and my precious middle child begs, even aches for my attention. So, I stop. I lay my sweet Ella down. Yes, I let her cry. I do this so I can cling to this moment with my Eli. I let him get me snotty (he is getting over the cold he just gave his sister). He giggles in my arms and I haven't even tickled him yet. He leans in for a kiss, another kiss and still another. He wiggles free and talks to Ella....the best medicine for her. She smiles, relaxes. I see that she knows who this is. Her brother. Her protector. Her friend. They may not be all of these things yet, but she knows he is there to comfort and love her. At four months old, she loves. She not only loves her source of nourishment and comfort. She loves those who love her. She goes to sleep easily. I place her in her crib, kiss her sweet face and walk away quietly. "I love you....forever."

We make banana bread. We are messy. We squish the bananas in our fingers. We have flour in our hair. It's just mommy and Eli.

Now it's nap time. I tell a "Black Night" story. One of adventure and rescue. He uses his flashlight to play his role. "Time to close our eyes sweet boy."
"A special prayer mommy?" "Yes, always a special prayer just for you."
I pray, rub his back and in an instant he is breathing heavy, falling into perfect rest. He has always been a good boy. Easy to rest, easy to sleep, easy to love. I linger for a I often do. I doze and dream of this little boy. I dream of how he will honor our Savior. Will he lead by example? Will he proclaim His word boldly? Will he be subtle, yet strong? I pray and I am at peace.

This is joy. This is a holy experience.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

The Birthday Boys

February 13th, 2006
February 12th, 2008
Owen Rees and Eli Benjamin
Perfect Days, Perfect Boys
Two little miracles for this Mommy's heart!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

Ella Week 15

Happy Valentines from our littlest Valentine!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Ella Week 14

My Little Scientist

The days have been cold. Very, very cold. It's not even close to being warm enough to play in the snow. We are starting to get cabin fever! Good thing Uncle Jason and Aunt Andrea gave us a great Science Kit for Kids. This week when Owen was at school, I decided to let Eli have his hand at being "like Daddy" with this great kit. This involved food coloring so I thought the best place to set up shop was near water. I started by letting Eli just play with the bubbles in the sink. I think he would have been happy with just doing that. Then, I started showing him how food coloring changes water and he was enthralled. We made every color we could...even black (you know, combining all the colors...that was the most fun for him).

I love my days just with Eli and Ella. Sometimes I feel like Eli won't get that one-on-one time that Owen got or Ella will get, so I treasure the times when it's just me and my little buddy.