Wednesday, February 23, 2011

A Holy Experience A blog that is changing my life

I have been challenged to simplify, to be content, to live purely, to wait, to fully embrace this life. Want to take that journey?

I am learning to let go of time, rather than cling to it like a leach. I cling to time because I don't want to lose it. Now I see the joy in each new step this family of mine takes. The joy we will bring our Savior.

I am going to challenge myself to find joy in each a thousand ways. I want to articulate my joy, my sorrow, my frustration, my longing to be with my Savior, my longing to stay with my lovely babies and love of my life. I will challenge myself to do this weekly on this blog, trying to get to the point where I post something daily.

So, here is today. I day like many others. My oldest is at school, my baby girl is sick and my precious middle child begs, even aches for my attention. So, I stop. I lay my sweet Ella down. Yes, I let her cry. I do this so I can cling to this moment with my Eli. I let him get me snotty (he is getting over the cold he just gave his sister). He giggles in my arms and I haven't even tickled him yet. He leans in for a kiss, another kiss and still another. He wiggles free and talks to Ella....the best medicine for her. She smiles, relaxes. I see that she knows who this is. Her brother. Her protector. Her friend. They may not be all of these things yet, but she knows he is there to comfort and love her. At four months old, she loves. She not only loves her source of nourishment and comfort. She loves those who love her. She goes to sleep easily. I place her in her crib, kiss her sweet face and walk away quietly. "I love you....forever."

We make banana bread. We are messy. We squish the bananas in our fingers. We have flour in our hair. It's just mommy and Eli.

Now it's nap time. I tell a "Black Night" story. One of adventure and rescue. He uses his flashlight to play his role. "Time to close our eyes sweet boy."
"A special prayer mommy?" "Yes, always a special prayer just for you."
I pray, rub his back and in an instant he is breathing heavy, falling into perfect rest. He has always been a good boy. Easy to rest, easy to sleep, easy to love. I linger for a I often do. I doze and dream of this little boy. I dream of how he will honor our Savior. Will he lead by example? Will he proclaim His word boldly? Will he be subtle, yet strong? I pray and I am at peace.

This is joy. This is a holy experience.

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