Sunday, March 27, 2011

When we Fail

So...I have already failed in my commitment to Lent. There were a few honest slip ups. One time I grabbed half a cookie that Eli had dropped and popped it in my mouth without even thinking. Another time I licked icing off of the knife I was using to frost cupcakes for the boys. I still felt ok about this because I was not doing it consciously. But, this has led to conscious decisions to eat sweets and then to giving up almost completely. I tell myself that this process doesn't really help me focus on Christ's sacrifice, I don't have to prove anything....and I sob. Why can't I do this one small thing for my Lord? Why can't I stick to something so simple? I turn to an answer and the perfect words jump from the screen:

I can’t seem to follow through in giving up for Lent.

Which makes me want to just give up Lent.

Which makes me question Who I am following.

Which may precisely be the point of Lent.

“Don’t think of lent as about working your way to salvation. Think of it as working out your salvation.”

(words from wish I could call Ann Voscamp up right now and tell her she typed those words just for me...

I chose to go back to my commitment. I chose to love Him more. I chose to remember. I chose to work this strange miracle of salvation out.

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