Wishing I Were More

Do you ever wish you were more creative, had more style, had the money to be creative and have style? I find all of these great websites (Erin provides many great ones on her blog) that give inspiration for decorating at half the price. But, there is one problem....I need time, I do need money, and I need more of a creative gene. Where are all of those things I need to make my home look like it came out of Pottery Barn, Domino or Cookie magazine? I'm still trying to figure out what my "style" is. I'm still trying to figure out how to sew. Honestly, I'm still trying to get over my indecisiveness. How do these stay-at-home moms like http://www.vanessachristenson.com/ and http://asoftplacetoland-kimba.blogspot.com/ raise their kids and find the time to make so many amazing things? Seriously, I need an answer. Or, maybe I need to stop comparing myself to other women and just be the best mom and wife I can be (while finishing my masters, teaching, staying at home and raising two boys).

Autumn Light

watching two boys laugh
delighted by autumn's light
precious time is mine

Batman and Eli

I had to remind myself of this wonderful phase my boys are in right now. They are learning to play together so there is yelling and fighting, but there is also so much laughter, smiling and endless pretending. Eli is just amazed at all that Owen can do and Owen loves to "help Eli learn." Here are my boys...Batman and Eli (his big brother wears him out!)

Thoughts

I am typing this in a new home, at a new table, with a new view. I can look out of my window and simply see trees. No cars, no voices, just birds and acorns falling from the tree down to our roof. This is a much needed view for me. I have needed quiet, peace and solitude. To be honest, I haven't taken time to be at peace with God in a long time. I had stopped doing Pilates, which was one way to quiet my mind, my time in the Word had been sparse and my prayer life was getting that way too.

I have chosen to find Him again and in doing so, I have found myself. This has happened to me many times before and I'm amazed at how Christ welcomes me home again. I have never run away from Him. I've never been rebelious. People who know me, know that. But, I have left Him on "call waiting" for far too long. I write this to encourage you and to remind myself that we are never too far from the One who longs to be near us. He's waiting...are you ready to pick up the phone?

Saying Goodbye

Saying goodbye is never an easy thing and I am finding myself saying those words or learning to let go a lot lately.

I said goodbye to Owen as he confidently walked into his pre-school classroom. He asked, "You are really going to leave me here alone at the school?" I said yes and he responded, "Cool." Where has my clingy toddler gone?

I am slowing saying goodbye to our home. We move on Saturday, but have been in the process for about a week. As each room becomes empty, I realize that saying goodbye to all of the memories within these walls hurts. This was our first home, I have rocked both of my babies in the nursery, played outside in the yard, painted every wall, loved every smell, cherished every imperfection, felt worry, peace and most of all felt at home.

I have said goodbye to a cousin, a grandmother, a grandfather and most recently an uncle, all within this year. It's never easy to say goodbye, even when you know you will see them again in a perfect place.

I'm even saying goodbye to my baby Eli. He is officially past being a toddler, but I still call him my baby. He is talking, running, fighting, laughing, mimicking, and always stealing my heart.

So, how do I say goodbye and still have JOY.
I look to the future and see Owen learning and growing.
I see new memories in an amazing new home.
I see my heavenly Father with my family.

and
I learn to let go, but still consider both of my boys my babies...forever.

And of course, the smile I see on my boys' faces when they see me again, when we say "hello, " makes every goodbye easier to utter.

Cardinal Game